Finding Confidence. Finding My Voice.
My heart pounded so hard I could hear it in my ears.
That familiar sensation of dread crept into focus the moment the facilitator said, “Let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves.”
It was such a simple ask — name, role, maybe a sentence about what brought you here.
Adrenaline was pumping.
Heat flushed my cheeks.
My breath quickened.
Palms dampened.
I stared at the person speaking, nodding politely.
But, I honestly couldn’t hear a word they said.
All I could think about was my turn coming closer.
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Why did something so simple feel so hard?
For me, it was fear. Fear of public speaking. Fear of being seen.
Diane as a young child in South Africa
As a child, I was painfully shy, yet I could never quite fade into the background.
In every classroom photo until high school, there I was — the only person of color in a sea of white, in a society shaped by segregation.
I learned early that being seen could be uncomfortable… even unsafe.
Without realizing it, I carried that lesson into adulthood. When I spoke up, a flicker of that old fear returned.
My voice would quiver, tentative and faltering.
But confidence, I’ve since learned, isn’t something you’re born with — it’s built over time.
Through my professional journey, I’ve learned to face that fear, find surety in my voice, and take up space with intention. I no longer hide. I speak with certainty, with clarity, and with the confidence that comes from finally reclaiming my voice.
After becoming a coach, I learned that I wasn’t alone in my discomfort. Even senior and executive-level leaders - people with decades of experience - often feel that same sense of dread. They know they must speak, but sometimes they hate every minute.
So how can we shift from fear to confidence?
Techniques That Help
Unpack and Name the Fear
Begin by identifying what’s generating the anxiety. For some, it’s a fear of judgment. For others, it’s perfectionism. For still others, it’s an old message—like mine—that makes them want to shrink. Understanding and naming it is the first step toward taking control.Reframe the Spotlight
One of the most effective tools I teach is what I call “the spotlight technique.” Instead of imagining all eyes on you in an interrogation-style spotlight, shine that light onto your words and your audience. When you focus on the topic and on connecting with others in the room, the self-imposed pressure can ease.Celebrate Small Wins
Like any skill, self-compassion and confidence grow with every use. I’ve seen clients move from hating these kinds of introductions to actively seeking out public speaking opportunities. The more you practice these moments of building confidence in low-stakes settings, the more natural they become.
Being confident doesn’t mean you’re never afraid. Being confident helps you manage fear so it doesn’t manage you.
If you’d like support in growing greater confidence as a leader, I’d love to help.
Put it into Practice
“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you are better than everyone. It’s walking in and not having to compare yourself to anyone at all.”
Use this tool to clarify the areas you can change and those you can let go.
It’s a simple way to help focus your energy where it matters the most and grow your confidence in every situation.
Confidence is shaped by lots of factors. Some are outside of our control – like genetic makeup and how others treat us. But there are still lots of levers we can use to control factors within our reach.
We can grow knowledge, skills, and abilities through lived experience. We can strengthen softer skills like resilience, optimism, self-esteem, and finding the courage to take action even when you’re scared.
